Homebuying

I wrote this last Spring but had never published it.

Decided to click ‘publish’ because this it was a really good reminder to me…

Last month (sometime last Spring) was a mess.

Sickness, sleep deprivation, and spinning thoughts hijacking peace and joy. Add to that trying to buy a home. It is a sweet and exciting privilege. Yet, the daunting process has been fighting with my slower paced, contemplative self. We put in a couple of offers on homes and were required to discern what felt like huge decisions within hours. The stress was palpable, and I was consistently in tears.

And, what felt most worrying to me was that I felt stuck in the heaviness because of the tasks and needs around me. I couldn’t catch my breath. I was caught off guard with how quickly my body tanked in response to all that I was demanding of it. For the first time ever, as I started feeling horribly dizzy with nausea, I began talking to my body in the presence of God – does that sound weird?!

It was like Jesus and I were saying the same words at the same time:

You’re gonna be okay.

You’re so tired.

Receive the rest.

I pray-cried myself to sleep, apologizing to both myself and Jesus for not being a wise steward of my body – not taking care of it for weeks on end. I legitimately felt so sorry. I woke up every other hour or so throughout the night, really disappointed that I did not see this coming. Kind of typical. That’s the recovering perfectionist in me.

Cease Striving

It was intense. And, it took a couple of weeks to rise out of that fog. The first thing I had to do was give up. I have never considered the “Be Still” command in Psalm 46 in the context of surrendering – raising the white flag and proclaiming “I can’t do this!” But, that is exactly what my invitation was.

I took things off my schedule and implemented practices I knew I needed. It was both a giving up and a giving in as I re-evaluated my neediness and my heart’s desires.

Spiritual Practices to Reclaim Peace

Here are the four practices I prioritized as Jesus shepherded me through this time:

1. Naps

2. Prayer Walks

3. Stillness

4. My Bible Reading Plan

Prayer Prompts for Seasons of Anxiety and Stress

• Jesus, where in my life do I feel inadequate?
• Father, how do you want to be with me in light of this?
• God, what do you want to say to me about me?
• God, what do you want to say to me about You?
• Holy Spirit, search my heart and know me. Show me how I try to do things apart from Jesus and not in step with You.
• Lord, what do you want to do together with me today?